21 Funny Valentine Poems (Jokes and Silly Poems)

2022 Update

Valentine’s Day; the one day you’ll definitely want to devote to your significant other. As they say, “love is in the air.”

And that couldn’t be any more true on Valentine’s Day. It’s a good idea to prepare for Valentine’s Day beforehand so that you and your partner can have a great time. You should get a personal gift for them, maybe give them a box of chocolates if it’s a tradition in your place, and plan a special activity for the day. That much goes without saying. But of course, it’s the little things that make your experience extra special.

One of the best ways to make your S/O smile or giggle is to share something funny with them. And what better way to do that than with some funny poetry written with this goal in mind?

To ensure you have that hidden ace up your sleeve for when things seem to be losing momentum, we’ve compiled a list of 21 of the funniest Valentine poems. Of course, not only are some of these poems funny, but they’re also romantic and intimate – perfect for expressing your affection while keeping the mood lighthearted and upbeat.

Funny Valentine Poems

1. ) “Stuck On You”

You’re sucrose, you’re glucose,
You’re fructose and more,
From your head to your feet…
Which are stuck to the floor.

You’re Hershey’s, you’re Snickers,
You’re sweet English Toffee.
If you spit in my cup,
You’ll just sweeten my coffee.

I love you so much
That I’m getting frenetic,
But I can’t even kiss you,
’cause I’m diabetic.

– Kenneth J. Miller

2.) “Silly Valentine”

t’s Valentine’s day,
And it’s really quite silly;
My feelings are switching around
Willy-nilly.

I’m happy, SO happy!
Then I’m feeling SO sad;
I’m gloomy, I’m joyful
Oh man, this is bad!

My body is clammy,
Then I’m in a deep sweat;
Sometimes I’m giddy,
Sometimes I fret.

I’m looking for comfort food
Deep in the fridge;
Often I think
I could jump off a bridge.

What is the reason
For all the above?
It’s Valentine’s Day,
And I’m SO in love!

– Joanna Fuchs

3.) “Candy Love”

Fly away with me, my dove
To a forbidden place where the skittles meet the rainbow.
Lay under the Milky Way with me,
And lets gaze at the star burst together,
Just you and me, sweet bliss.
When the moon begins to eclipse, we’ll be in each other’s arms.
I never knew how much of a sweet tart you could be.
There are zero people like you.
You’re my lifesaver in this unforgiving world.
I love all your little snickers,
And I feel safe when you wrap your butterfingers around me.
I want to share all of your kisses,
Now and later, always and forever
You’re all the payday I’ll ever need.
I wouldn’t trade you for 100 grand
All because I love my sweet gummy bear.

– Terra Mobley

4.) “My Bigfoot Valentine”

You’ve got big feet,
But gee, you’re sweet,
So let’s give it a whirl,
Say you’ll be my girl.
‘Cause I’m a goofy guy,
But I caught your eye,
So say you’ll be mine,
My bigfoot Valentine.

– Kelly Roper

5.) “A Redneck Valentine’s Day Poem”

Collards is green, yer eyes ain’t blue
I am so lucky to have a darlin’ like you.
Ya kin strip a motor in just few minutes
And still have time to go hunt supper and even skin it.

We go together like a skunk and stink
Ever time I see ya, my eye starts to wink.
Yer love fer me is like a roll of duct tape
Ya hold me together each time I break.

I love it when ya burp and fart
It’s music to my ears that soothes my heart.
And the sound of ya snorin’ right in my ear
Always brings to my eye a big ol’ tear.

Yer hair is soft like a dog’s hairy knees,
But I’m sure happy you ain’t got no fleas!
Yer chest is so purty and so is yer mouth,
And I can’t even tell ya how I love what is south.

– Denise Scott

6.) “Hindsight”

I said to you, “Oh, please be mine;
Be mine forever, Valentine.”
I must have seemed like quite a fool,
Although I thought I was being cool.

I swore that we would never part,
As I put my hand upon my heart.
Had I been thinking with my head,
I probably would have fled instead.

– Joanna Fuchs

7.) “My Faithful Valentine”

You’re a little unkempt,
And you snore like a log.
When I give you your dinner,
You gobble it like a hog.
You’re hard to keep up with
When we go for a jog,
But you’re the one I love
More than Paris or Prague.
So my Valentine is you,
My dear faithful dog!

– Kelly Roper

8.) “Won’t You”

Barbara’s eyes are blue as azure,
But she is in love with Freddy.
Karen’s sweet, but Harry has her.
Gentle Jane is going steady.
Carol hates me. So does May.
Abigail will not be mine.
Nancy lives too far away…
Won’t you be my Valentine?

– Shel Silverstein

9.) “Roses Are Red”

Roses are Red
With leaves of Green
Oops! Wrong holiday
It’s not Halloween

– Unknown

10.) “Timeless Valentine”

As time goes by from year to year,
One thing is surely true, my dear;
Though decades come and decades go,
Just seeing you sets me aglow.

Time shifts my body; I start to sag,
When I pass a mirror, it can make me gag.
My joints all ache; I can hardly move;
Still a smile from you, and I’m in the groove.

Getting older can be a pain,
But with you along, I can’t complain.
Despite the things that we go through,
I know I’ll never stop loving you.

Your loving heart turns life to play,
As we laugh at time from day to day.
So I write this poem, and I’ll hang my sign,
Saying, “Always Be My Valentine.”

– Karl and Joanna Fuchs

11.) “Don’t Be My Commercial Valentine”

Valentine’s Day is made for stores
To sell candy, cards, and flowers.
But to take part in this corporate day,
I really can’t be bothered.

I love you and you love me,
But the commercial stuff sticks in my craw.
So let’s just skip the rest of the routine
And thumb our noses at all the bourgeois.

– Kelly Roper

12.) “You, The Exquisite Part Of Valentine’s Day”

Hearts are flying,
Stars are aligned,
So many valentine cards I will find
On top of my desk
And under my chair.
I even found one tangled up in my hair,
Oh, Valentine’s Day,
Valentine’s Day,
The love, how could you miss it?
There’s something about it that makes it so exquisite.
Oh me, oh my,
How can it be true?
The exquisite thing is you.

– Kaya De Poetic

13.) “I Have An Idea”

I don’t get Valentine’s day.
It’s rather a pickle.
I don’t get why we fall in “love” so hard.
I say it’s a set up
for our hearts to burst.
But girls love it, so I guess it’s a curse.
Everything is pink and red,
except for my hair.
Everyone says, “Oh, love is in the air,”
but I thought it’s not true
until I saw Lilly sitting over there.
My heart raced; I was quite scared.
I never had this feeling didn’t know what to do,
So I went to my teacher and asked
“Have you been in love too?”
She smiled and laughed “Of course I have
It’s awful hard and worth the wait.”
So I guess Valentine’s Day isn’t so bad.
I mean, I fell in love with Lilly J. Labb.

– Jade Valentine

14.) “Be My Valentine”

Please be my valentine.
I will open for you the door.
I will take your coat for you.
I will let you have the remote.

I will let you touch my phone.
I will let you choose the hotel.
I will let you pick my clothes.

I will hold your hand as we walk.
I will pull your chair for you.
I will let you order first.

I will look in your eyes.
I will take your hand into mine.
I will make sure you smile.

Then I will let you pay the bill.

– Elver B

15.) “Untitled”

Facebook says I’m single
But that’s not really true.
My heart belongs to someone,
And that someone is you.

We’d make a great couple,
Jealous folk would hate us,
So please give me a reason
To update my status.

– Unknown

16.) “Unknown”

If I were a knight, for you
I’d slay a mighty beast.
If I were a chef, for you
I would prepare a feast.
If I were a poet, for you
I would write a sonnet.
But, I’m not, so here, for you
Is a card with a loveheart on it.

– Unknown

17.) “Let’s Do It Right This Year”

We’ve been together far too long for hearts and flowers.
Yes, we’ve been there and done all that before.
So this time I think we should go there and do this.
I’ll head to the bowling alley, and you hit the mall.
Come on, Valentine, let’s really make each other happy this year!

– Kelly Roper

18.) “Someone I Know”

There’s someone I know
Who I really can’t stand
I wish he would bury his
Head in the sand or
Move to the moon or
Deeper out of space.
Whenever I see him
I make a weird face.
Today during recess,
Outside the yard,
He suddenly gave me
A valentine card.
I wish that he hadn’t.
It made me upset.
It was the prettiest one
I could possible get.

– Lily V. Tran

19.) “If I Were…”

f I were a key, I would lock you;
If lightning, then I would shock you;
If I were a pier I would dock you;
If I had a band I would rock you.

If I were a spoon, I would feed you;
If I were a house, I would deed you;
On Valentine’s Day, I must plead you,
Valentine, I really need you!

– Joanna Fuchs

20.) “Valentine’s Day”

Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I don’t have a valentine, so now what shall I do?
Almost every boy has asked me, everyone but Drew.
Who is this Drew person, you say?
Oh, only the boy I’ve been crushing on since the second grade!
He’s funny, sweet and also very smart.
The rest of the boys are just mean, obnoxious, and think it’s funny to fart.
Well, why hasn’t he asked me? Is it something I said?
Maybe it’s my breath; I should have never eaten that garlic bread.
But wait, here comes Drew, walking down the hall, and O-M-G was it my name he just called?
He’s walking my way; has my day come at last?
But Drew keeps walking and walking till my locker and I he passed.
Well, what a bummer; all he did was smile.

– Ashley Williams

21.) “Daddy, I Love You”

Daddy, I love you
For all that you do.

I’ll kiss you and hug you
‘Cause you love me, too.

You help me, but sometimes,
you need me to teach you to play.

So smile ’cause I love you
On this Valentine’s Day!

– Claire Anderson

Summary

How did you like our catalog of the funniest Valentine poems? We hope you enjoyed going through our list and found the perfect poem to share with your partner on the big day. Keep in mind that some of these Valentine’s poems may have elements of sarcasm in them, so don’t recite one when it would be out of place to do so.

You can either recite any of these poems to your S/O for a more personal, intimate experience, or you can share it with them handwritten on a Valentine’s Day card. Sharing via text may come off as lackluster!